Tests and Trials

I have to admit that I've had personal inner turmoil this week and have had to cry myself to sleep on a couple of occasions. What am I doing with my life right now?! Here's the run down...I got my answer to come to Portland and do Floral School, I moved in with great roommates and have enjoyed my home immensely, I made few (but good) friends, I got a calling that I love in my quirky ward...and then I finished school. I escaped my realities for a week and soothed the ache in my heart to be with family and went to Canada. Reality struck when I returned home, and so I got my act together and applied for jobs. Here's where the inner turmoil kicked in - I am not a flaky person, nor do I ever strive to be, so the thought of getting a job for only slightly over a month makes me feel squishy and irresponsible. On the other hand, not having a job at all is pretty irresponsible (and not an option, financially, at this point). So, I was stuck in the moral dilemma of what to do, and I've discovered that this is essentially going to be my life for the next year while I get my floral business going: Part or full-time retail, because it's flexible, and weddings on the side. This is something I need to accept. I made my choice. So, I had an interview for a job, and left it feeling a little intimidated and not overly ecstatic about it. I thought about it for an evening, went to the temple the next morning, and talked to my very wise and caring mom. We came to the conclusion that I need to make a decision by next week. If I don't get the job, I need to come home. If I do get the job, then things should work out for me financially.
Here's where the spiritual stuff comes in. I KNOW that things will work out if I'm doing my part, but sometimes I have a hard time BELIEVING and TRUSTING. My calm and spiritually in-tune mother kept reminding me that everything will be fine and will work itself out. I wanted to believe her so badly, so I continued to do my part (applying for other jobs, etc.). I had a nice long chat with my roommate, read my scriptures and patriarchal blessing, cried myself to sleep Thursday, and woke up this morning with a refreshed outlook. I am doing what I need to be doing, I am living the gospel as I should, Heavenly Father has a plan for me, I have had my interview and there is nothing more I can do about it. If I get the job, then my time in Portland isn't over and I haven't accomplished all that I need to. If I don't get the job, then whatever reasons I am here for are over now and I need to go home and get back to life and stability. So, with this renewed perspective I went about my day preparing myself for my possibilities.
Lo and behold, a few phone calls into the early evening I was offered a position here:
and they offered to pay me more than what I anticipated. Lesson learned. Trust in the Lord. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows what we need, and he knows our abilities. If I can finally learn to truly trust in Him with honest faith, and stop trying to control my world down to every last detail, He will lead me and it will be so much easier that way. His plans are way better than mine! So, after being taught this lesson for the millionth time I'm sure, I'm hoping that it will stick in my heart and that my personal proof of the Lord's love for me will be an anchor to my trust and faith.